Archive for the ‘sarcasm’ Category


Dear Mr.Lizard,

Hope you are fine and healthy. Last week , when you came into my room without asking for a permission, I thought you too were ‘Shani Dev’ priest, who wouldn’t care for permission to enter my house premises. They even don’t ask for offerings to Shani Dev, just show us his metal idol. He is indeed gangster of gods, collecting ‘haftas’ every week, in this manner. But in the beginning, I was quite offended by you for you should have asked for a permission first. However later I found out that my door bell was not working, so how could you have rung the bells anyways? So, I apologize for your inconvenience. (Smiling Apologetically)

Last night I saw a few small lizard babies, taking a stroll near my precious collection of junk newspapers, might that be yours? If the answer is yes, might I ask you for a bit of family planning! They were no less than six, as I tried counting while chasing them out of my room. How could you afford a family of six children in these times of inflated rates? Or, let me ask you if you are aware of the contraceptives? I know our family planning schemes suck, the population is anyways increasing at same pace. But citizens like you and me have to act responsibly. You would feel elated to know that I am doing my part quite well for I don’t even have a girl friend, leave apart marriage.

Mr.Lizard, let me remind you that we are going out this weekend to catch some movies, so the room shall be locked. So, we wouldn’t be able to meet you this weekend. You must be wondering which all movies are coming to theaters this weekend. To be honest , even I don’t know. But after watching Bhag Milkha Bhag and D-Day, I feel like catching some English movie to detoxify the melodrama dose I had to swallow in those movies, or I could end up watching Ekta kapoor serials. You don’t want that, Do you? Every self respecting male in this country hate K-series serials. This must be a problem in your house too.

Mikha,D-Day, Saas

By the way, Mr.Lizard, let me let you that you have a new neighbor now- Mr.Cat. Mr.Cat has been roaming around our premises for last few days. I first doubted that he belonged to some political party, who would ask me to vote for their candidate in next poll. But how foolish of me that was! I just forgot that political parties don’t come to people’s door to ask for votes nowadays, they do it through media by threatening us of communal-ism, bad economy, caste politics and governance. Btw, Mr.Lizard who are you voting for in the next elections- Rahul or Modi? I request you to vote for yourself and India. Anyways, I later found that Mr.Cat is actually a tenant in our neighboring home. But let me remind you, he is not a nice person, he walked away from me last time when we had an eye to eye contact. That was rude, I mean he could have said Hi.

Mr.Lizard, now I must also tell you about this cricket in our house. He thinks he is Justin Beiber, he makes so much noise, and it doesn’t make any sense. My ears are in pain. Be it day or night, he never stops. Strangely, some other weird creatures are in love with him, they too start making noise when he begins. This has been very troubling to us. I know you have special skills to eliminate such creatures. I know you will find him and you will kill him (Liam Neisson voice). So, let me ask for this small help, would you please look into the matter? 

Source: www.fanpop.com ,www.killermoviereviews.com

Source: http://www.fanpop.com ,www.killermoviereviews.com

In the end Mr.Lizard, thank you for last time get together we had. It was entertaining as you ran funny around my room while I tried chasing you with a broom in my hand. This witchcraft game we played, defeats the current India- Zimbabwe series, in entertaining. So, for next time, I have devised a new game. Its called ‘Being Human’. In this game I will beat you so hard, that you would drop off your tale and run off, just like other lizards do often. And then, I will play a celebrity, because I am being human to you.

Source: Firstpost.com

Source: Firstpost.com

Eagerly waiting for our next rendezvous,

Your friendly neighborhood,



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Haikus From Hell.

So, I have written my first set of Haikus, and asked my friend, who is pro in poetry, to review them. He said, “Only Demons could have written Haikus like this, these are from hell”. Hence I got the title of this post.

Why so serious? Source: underthegiantpenny.blogspot.com

Why so serious?
Source: underthegiantpenny.blogspot.com


Winter winds are soft,
No geyser in my bathroom,
Cold, Cough and Fever.

Girl looked at me,
In awe, I opened my mouth,
Lollipop fell off.

Kids making paintings,
Vivid colors and creative.
Grand papa is blind.

Is exam over ?
Agony, apathy and hardship.
I have to pee now.

Great were those players,
Ganguly, Dravid, Sachin.
Kicked out of team.

Hrithik, Amir, Irfan
Deepika ,Vidhya, Jolie
Jhony lever best.

Dad came in the room,
Books, Books and books here and there,
Me watching movie.

Mom in the kitchen,
Chicken, chapati and kheer,
I have loose motions.

Haikus are so tough,
Imagination required.


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Me and my school friend were waiting for someone at bus stop near my home. She was his college mate and I knew nothing about her except of the fact that she won Institutes’s Beauty contests all four years, organized under different functions. For someone like me from Engineering background, it was kind of hard to believe that other institutes organize beauty contests. Our college used to organize only non-beauty contests only.

So, I was kind of excited about meeting her, and my friend was obviously all “gaga” about her. “So, what are we supposed to do, after we meet her?” I asked, while looking at a lovely lady passing by us, with her ugly dog. It is sort of universal phenomenon all around the world that beautiful girls have ugly dogs- sometimes real, sometimes human. “We shall go and catch some movie, she is having a flight back to Bangalore tonight” He said, looking at the ugly dog and squeezing his nostrils in disgust. 
About fifteen minutes later, an Indica cab arrived at the bus stop and both of us stood up as if we were paying tribute to arrival of a queen. She stepped outside, I observed her foot which touched the ground before rest of her body would be visible, just like they show in Bollywood flicks for police officers. “Woodland shoe!”, I thought looking at her brown colored shoes, ‘What kind of a girl carry Woodland?”. She was definitely pretty, not “Katrina Kaif ” pretty but definitely “Justin Beiber” pretty. Decent height, a white Lacoste high collar Tee-Shirt, and a decent pair of blue jeans which I didn’t stare too much to identify the company, because of the place where they put the label on pants, not a decent place to stare after-all.
“Dude! Meet Mini”, my friend introduced us, and we had a formal handshake. From a girl’s standards, she definitely had huge hands and fingers. “Definitely not Mini !”, I thought.”So, what you guys want to do? You had lunch?” She asked. “Lets go and catch some movie. We can have lunch in the mall”, said my friend. So, we jumped into the cab she hired, and went to a nearest mall. “Where is your ladies purse?”, I asked Mini. “I don’t carry a ladies purse, I carry Dell laptop bag with me usually.”,she said. “You carry that bag everywhere? What about money and credit cards?” I asked, this time I was really interested in knowing her explanation.”I carry I small handwoven bag in my pocket, thats where I keep my money.”,she said and pulled out a small “Gypsy style”, multicolored fabric knitted bag from her pocket.”What about your make up kit and all other female accessories?”,asked my friend.”I carry that in my Laptop bag, she said, with a cold grim this time”. “But what if you have to go for a party?, You wouldn’t carry a laptop bag in a party then?”, I asked. My friend looked at me like he was saying “Dude, Enough!”.”I usually use my car to go, so I keep the bag in my car. “, she replied, and not in a polite manner.Though me and my friend were not convinced entirely, we chose to drop all the questions we had in our mind. She must have got this opinion that we majored in “How to harass someone politely.”, after this question-answer session. 
So, we reached the Cineplex in 20 min. I collected the tickets of a movie that I intended not to watch, but since she insisted that Akshay Kumar was her favorite, we thought we could do a favor to very beautiful girl, harassed by us just a few minutes ago. “Atleast this one has Katrina, she can watch Akki, we have Katrina.”, said my friend, making the ugliest face on earth. We had half an hour before the movie could start, so we went to a nearby cafe to get some small meal. 
“A Cold Coffee, please make sure that its not too sweet.” She ordered the waiter at the cafe. We stared at her with a little amazement. If you don’t like sugar, you don’t drink coffee, simple standard rule. “Lemon Soda, sweet and salt, and Veg sandwich”, I said. “Hold on! Make it double, I order the same”, said my friend.
After five minutes, our meal was tabled. “Start!”, my friend yelled in a dumped voice, and started staring at Mini. As the rules say, ladies should go first. Also, since our lemon soda were not tabled. She took a sip from the big cylindrical shaped transparent glass, in which the choco colored coffee looked very tempting. I cursed myself for not ordering that. She took another sip and looked up at the roof of the cafe. We followed her, and took a glance at roof, and failed to catch why we did so, or what she was staring at.Then she stood up and called the waiter. My friend moved his shoulders up and lips slightly down. I got what he was asking me, but I didn’t know the answer. 
“What is this? If I had to drink sugarcane juice, I would have bought it from outside at Rs 10 only, why would I come here?” She yelled at the waiter, and almost created a scene for the nearby 3-4 tables. My friend again moved his shoulders up and lips down. I thought, “Dude! Stop doing that.”. Well, the waiter also didn’t get what she was saying, so he asked, “Maaa’m ?”. “Why is this so sweet, I asked you not to make it too sweet, didn’t I?”,she said. “Yes ma’m, let me get you another one!”, he took that glass, and she sat down once again. She looked at us, and we knew she was the man and we were the ladies. “Calm down Mini”, said my friend. “Yes, I also need to calm down”, I said, while making a “Excuse me” gesture, and left for washroom.
When I came back, Mini and Mr.Sissy were discussing something of my interest.”Hello! You were definitely more beautiful than that girl. “, said my friend. “Nah! You are just saying this, don’t you!”, she was not asking, she rather looked quite convinced by his statement. “I am telling you, you were more beautiful, plus you got more marks than her, you got a better placement, you got a better boyfriend and you have me. Now tell me, aren’t you beautiful?”, asked my friend, and they both laughed. I tried to figure out if he really asked that question or just told her something. 
Meanwhile, the waiter came with a new glass of coffee, placed it on the table and left quietly. I looked and coffee and prayed to god, “God!Why coffee has to be choco colored?”. She took a sip while still in laughing phase. Suddenly the smile was gone, and her eyes went to grim look mode. I knew something had gone bad. My friend was also aware of that, because he suddenly stopped doing “Surrp-surrp” of his lemon soda. I looked at him and telepathically told him,”Dude! Lag gya kaam! (It happened again!)”. He telepathically replied,”Yes, lets eat our lunch before something happens”, while moving his eyes to sandwich and again looking at me.So, she stood up once again, and this time screamed at manager who was looking at her from his counter. 
“What is this? Why don’t you serve me the damn water now?”, she yelled. Manager came to our table running like Mario (from video games). Manager, too like waiter, asked, “Ma’m?”. “This doesn’t have sugar at all”, she yelled and continued,”First you serve me sugar syrup and now this?, why can’t you people serve a nice coffee, what is wrong?”. The manager looked at the waiter and telepathically conveyed him,”Tu toh gya aaj! (You are dead now!)”. Meanwhile, me and my friend were speeding up the processes of chewing the large sandwiches that we got. “Ma’m , let me get you another one”, said the manager. “Are you kidding me? How many times you have to do this to get it correct? Please get me the complaint book and email id of branch owner”, she said and looked at us. We took a glance at her, winked and got back to our bussiness-sandwiches. “Ma’m ! Please let me handle this at my own, this time it will be fine.”, requested the manager, with a voice as soft as child’s. “No, are you mentally harassing me? I am here to taste your experiments?”, she said, this time soberly. Accordingly we relaxed our jaws, and went a bit slower on sandwiches now.”Ma’m Please?”, urged manager, leaning a bit forward.
She took a minute and looked at the damn roof again. That minute, we also stopped chewing, as we were also eager to listen to the final judgment from her court of inquiry.”Okay, Don’t pour any sugar this time, and get me the sugar separately, will add as per my convenience. And also, I will not pay for this coffee now, for all the inconvenience I had to bear”, said Mini, as if she was really explaining some court judgment.”Okay ma’m, no issues.” 
Mini sat down smiling, looking at two of us ladies. We didn’t smile, as our mouth was full of weird stuff, sandwich and lime-soda.”Well people, I have got myself a free coffee!”, she said smiling. My friend swallowed the entire chunk in one go, while I looked at her, puzzled.”So, you deserve it!”, said my friend. “No-no, the coffee was perfect the first time only. I made up the entire scene to get my self a free cold coffee, it is just for fun.”, she said, with her lips making a perfect crescent. My friend looked at her as if his eyes got doubled the original size and as far as I was concerned, I felt like being kicked on my balls. My friend turned to me,and made a long eye contact with me, along with his weird open mouthed face. He turned to Mini, smiled, and said, “Aren’t you beautiful !”. And I knew, at once, he was not asking, but telling.

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My Liebster Award.


I woke up at 11:oo a.m in the morning, switched on my system to check my mails, and got a mail from WordPress saying -“Sarosena has commented on your post !”. I was surprised. So, I went to my blog to check what did she comment.
“…….Have nominated yourself for a Liebster award……..” said the comment.
“Holy Cow !”, I thought, with a lot of amazement. I went to check her blog post where she nominated me, and to my utter amazement, she mentioned my blog in the list of ‘deserving blogs’.
I:”When was the last time someone called you deserving?”
Me: “When you were caught bunking your Corporate training’s morning sessions and expelled out of the class by Unix instructor. Your batch owner said- ‘You deserve it’, remember! “
Myself: “Why she thought I was deserving?”
So, I researched a little bit, and found following info-
  •  Liebster means you love some fellow blogger’s work and want to appreciate it by this gesture.
  • You have to post 11 things about yourself, after you get the nominations.
  • You have to answer 11 questions, asked by the blogger who nominated you.
  • You have to nominate 11 other bloggers having less than 200 followers, like you were nominated.
  • Notify your nominations candidates by commenting on their blogs.
  • Post Liebster’s pic on your post as a gesture of acceptance.
“Wait a sec! how many followers you have?”, I interrogated myself, and went on to check my blog stats.
Total : 268
Blog Followers: 10
Facebook: 258 (Your  FB friends who never visit your blog)
“Holy Cow!, do you deserve this award? You have 268 total followers?”, I was saddened, but suddenly my eyes caught my ‘Visiter’s wall of fame’ at right side of my blog. Only 20 something profiles were present there. These were the people who visited my blog and commented/liked/followed. Then I went on to check my settings- “Publicize, by wordpress- Connect your FB with your blog .”
“Oh Come On! They connected my FB page with my wordpress, and all my FB friends are my followers, no matter if they visit my blog or not. But in actual I have 10 blog followers only. So,  should I accept this award? …(pause)……Ah! Screw it! I am accepting it.” I grudged. “I swear to Lucifer, if I had missed this award because of this Publicize feature of WordPress, I would have sued WP for that.”
So, Thanks a lot to Saro, for ignoring my blog followers’ stats, and nominating me. You did a right thing, in disguise- Saro.Anyways its switched off now, if you want to know my followers, see my ‘Visiter’s Wall of Fame’.
Now the next part-
11 things about me, okay! I will not bore you guys by telling usual info, but things that are weird.
  1. I still love watching cartoons, because that where I think I belong to. My favorite-  Oggy and the Cockroaches- in Hindi, with all those SRK, Sunny Deol and Arshad Warsi mimicry.
  2. I hate astrology, palmistry, Tarrots etc. I find it utterly stupid and illogical.
  3. I can’t drink milk without Bournvita. (Don’t judge me, not even Horlicks, or Boost are acceptable to me, only B’vita.)
  4. I can’t eat egg, but I am fond of chicken and all sea food.
  5. I can bowl (cricket) by both hands. Same goes for the batting. No wonder, I never got selected in Indian Team.
  6. I can’t understand modern art. And latest ,I have found out that I can’t understand Haikus too. (Courtesy: Gus)
  7. The average no of days after which I take bath in winters is 3.
  8. I always wanted to be a scriptwriter, used to write plays in college and school. Thanks to god- He gave me Javascript.
  9. I can’t play good chess, even if I try. But I am pro in Ludo and Snake- ladders.
  10. I always forget the color of my underwear. It always gives me a shock when I see what color I am wearing, when I go for bath.
  11. I am a completely political person- sometimes socialist, communist , sometimes capitalist,imperialist and sometimes Gandhi.
Next, 11 answers  to Saro’s questions-
1.If there is one person that you are ok with killing or getting killed, who would that be?  – The guy who made the daily soap – “Bade acche lagte hain.”. He made my life miserable.
 2. If you were given the option of naming a star, what would you name it?- Gandhi, he couldn’t win a Nobel peace prize (I don’t know why?), but surely deserves a star after his name.

3. What is the purpose of your blog?- To puke out what my mind eats from his surroundings.
 4. What do you really dislike about other people’s blogs?- Really dislike that they are not as cool as facebook.
 5. When you saw this for the first time did the idea remind you of chain letters?- No, I thought it was genuine, but now I am thinking in this direction. Thanx for killing the mood, by asking this question. 🙂
6. Who’s the hotest male/female that you know- like know?- Hotest male : Me, dressed in Corporate Tuxedo, Hottest Female: Me, dressed in sari for fancy dress competitions.
 7. If you were given the option of publishing your blog in a book, e-book or otherwise, but not anonymously, would you?- As long as they give me money and royalty, i don’t mind any means of publication.
8. As a blogger, what do you think about the freedom of speech?- Freedom of speech to bloggers is what Chuck Norris is to Humor. 
 9. What’s more important- earning money or spending it?- Earning if your friends are earning and giving you parties every weekends and spending when your little brothers and sisters spend your own money.
10. If there was one lie that you wish your mother had told you, what would it be?- That I was not born stupid, but became so later in my life.
 11. Does art imitate life or life imitate art?: If art imitates life, its crap. Art means creativity, means it should be something that doesn’t exist in real, and hence has the capacity to inspire people’s life to do something new. Thats how we move ahead in life.
11 People I am nominating are-
  1.  Desi babu
  2. Gus
  3. Manisha
  4. McKnight
  5. P.Subbu’s Blog
  6. UnknownShri
  7. Grumpy Giraffe
  8. contested realities
  9. teenagebabblingbyphoenix
  10. Agony Dude
  11. Feeding a soul
You guys need to answer these 11 questions from my side:
  1.  What would you do if there wouldn’t be any water on earth?
  2. What is one thing that makes you sick, but you still do it?
  3. What if your blog gets a ‘Simply Stupid!’ award?
  4. What is the most amazing abuse anyone has ever given you?
  5. What is your idea of world after 100 years?
  6. What will happen if you become the President of your country for rest of your life?
  7. What was the most embarrassing situation you ever faced?
  8. What will  happen if one day God tells you that you are Devil on earth?
  9.  Who was your first crush or infatuation?
  10. What will you say if one day Obama visits your home and tells you- “Kid! We need you. Now pull your pants up and pack your bags” ?.
  11. If you were asked to slap one person, who would that be?

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I am a great fan of Chuck Norris and Rajnikanth jokes, and ‘Pursuit of Happiness’ type movies, but neither of these fetch emotions out of me better than current state of affairs in India. I mean, sometimes, it is hard to decide whether I should laugh out load or cry on a particular event. Do the people around me do things deliberately or they are born that way?

Take for example Justice Katju incident, when he  said that 90% of Indians are fool, because they vote in the name religion, caste,region etc. The next day , the entire media was filled with headlines ‘Justice Katju says  Indians are fool’. Come on, give me a break ! The media was not even displaying the “because they vote in the name religion, caste,region etc” part in their headlines and reporting. Pathetic! After a few days, I got to hear what came to me as absolute shock, two students sent legal notice to Mr.Katju for defaming Indians by calling 90% of them fools. I was like- “Come on man, WTF!”. It was not only the media,and those two students but also a majority group on Facebook and Twitter also went sentimental about the whole issue, and I am not even counting bloggers here because they were the worst.  They were coming with new techniques to justify how 90% Indians are not fools- Ridiculous !

Now, why are we so touchy?  What is wrong with us?  When it comes to Pakistan and China, we have all the patronizing energy in the world, but when it comes to understand a social issue about us, our balls drop off. Our intellect switches off, and we become zero. It would not be a genius task to understand that what Mr.Katju said was not factual  but indicative, and in-spite of taking the real things it was indicating to, we started cursing the indicator itself. Superb! The entire discussion should have been about “why Indians vote in the name of religion, race, caste etc ?”, but it went to “How can Katju say such a thing?”. Those who were criticizing Katju didn’t even bothered to say that the points he had raised were correct and they would take care of these things before the next general elections. My house maid has been consuming tobacco for almost forty years now and she is healthy , but she never sued Government for displaying those anti-tobacco banners,all around the city, saying “You could die”, with names and faces of people who died because of that. Why? Because she got it, she understood that the posters were indicative and the real problem is tobacco. I guess she was smarter than those who went after Katju, with guns in mouth. The reply Mr.Katju filed to those two students was an epic and answer to all the “touchy and soft-soft” Indians. Here is what he replied to them- Justice Katju’s Reply

Now ,was that  the end? Hell no! The saga just begun. Then came the incident of SRK. SRK in his article said that some people made him  a symbol of unpatriotic things in a particular community, and he was asked to prove his patriotism by criticizing Pakistan. Obviosly he wasn’t happy about that. But wait! Here came the real champion of the Muslim cause- Mr. Rehmaan Malik. Mr. Malik went on to say that SRK should be provided security in India. Why did he say that? I don’t know, may be he has  amnesia, he totally forgot that SRK is an Indian and it is duty of Indian Home Minister to take care of his security if he needs, and also that Mr. Malik is not the Indian home minister, but Pakistani interior minister.  But I don’t care too much about amnesia suffering Pakistanis, but what touchy Indians would think. How did we react? “Come on man! We love SRK so much, and he said such things..sad!”, “He is an idol, if he says he is insecure, the rest would also think so”, and etc etc. First of all he didn’t say that he felt insecure. And second, why we are more worried about what he said, and why not about why he said so? So, again touchy Indians are discussing about why did SRK made such comments, everywhere- Houses, Media, Print. But I didn’t see any discussion on what should be done to avoid any such thing to happen again with SRK. Why? May be because we touchy Indians were hurt enough by what someone else told us about what SRK told that US magazine. Wooof ! You must be touchy and  laborious to think all the way through this! 

Next in the queue was Kamal Hasan. The pooer guy didn’t even got a chance to say what he wanted to, because apparently a few religious groups were hurt enough ,without actually watching the movie.Will you please let the people decide if the movie is of good taste or not?

Now here is the epic conclusion, only next to epic conclusion of Dark Knight series. A few days back, Mr.Kejriwal went on to say that there are thieves in parliament, and the entire community of MP’s got mad over the language he used. They delivered long speeches to remind the Team Anna about supremacy of Parliament in a democracy and slapped them with privilege notice. So, one of my friend said -“Yaar! why these people are so senti? Obviously they didn’t mean every MP, take the message, don’t shoot the messenger. Why they are not saying anything about removing such MP?”. A few weeks later, when the Justice Katju controversy broke out, he said- “Yaar! This man should have not said that, what did he mean by Indians are fools?”. I was like- “You got to be kidding me now!”. He was the one who asked MPs not to shoot the messenger, and now he himself shot one. I guess, our politicians are not so different from us, but just like us- Touchy. Just like when we got touchy during Katju, SRK and Kamal Hasan episode, they too got touchy about Team Anna’s “thieves” episode. Just like we ignored the real matter behind the controversies, and got stunned by words, they too ignored the real matter and got stunned by words. What right now it gives us to judge them? Doesn’t that make us a bunch of hypocrites?

Well we are not 100% hypocrites yet, but we are on a coarse to be. Our logics and conclusions should be driven towards “Why/How” factor, rather than “What’ factor. Or else, we could end up being an Ostrich nation where people would bury their heads in sand after looking at a problem, and going “quack quack” about the issue. This is what we must not become. So, I would suggest, don’t trust media, politicians and celebrities blindly and be an anteater, digging enough into the sand to reach where the ants are, where the real issue lies. And by the way, contrary to the famous myth, Ostrich doesn’t bury his head in sand in real. So, that leaves the sword hanging on our heads only.

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Weird Things We Do @ FB

TO ENLARGE, CLICK ON THE IMAGES (Please don’t  download images at local m/c without permission, or u could get sued !)pic4 pic5 pic6Pic2PIC1pic12 pic3 Pic32

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10 PM: We were having the usual dinner at the hostel’s mess, and like every other day, we were abusing the chief cook “Maharaj” for the quality of food we were served. Rumors were that the dinner was so pathetic that even the leftover was not consumed by dogs in our hostel campus. However the credentials of the witness were matter of great suspicion as some of them even witnessed girls roaming around the boys hostel in late nights, which we never found.

10:30 PM: Just when I finished my dinner, and walked to the mess counter to abuse the coordinator, a fight broke out on the other side of mess. Maternal and sister references made me realize that this was a must watch show. So, I left the coordinator without abusing him, and went to the table where fight broke. The sudden rush of my adrenaline was neutralized by pathetic topic chosen as a reason for fight. Its the famous Sachin versus Dravid fight. “Look at the record book- Sachin is God” said the small guy. The counter argument was epic- “Would you worship a god sitting in temple without walls ? Dravid is the Wall”.

10:45 PM: After listening to arguments of both the sides, I decided to place my bet on Ganguly. So, they politely asked me to leave the discussion table,or otherwise they would wrap my dirty tongue around my throat and hang me in middle of mess.So, walked out, and marched towards to elevated stage in front of mess. People were roaming around the stage holding their mobile phones on their ears, and I swear to god that not even one of them was talking to his parents. The after dinner period is all about girlfriend conversation syndrome. Even my room mate used to do this, I have seen him sleeping with his mobile on his ear, and some weird voice penetrating out of speaker. I never asked him whose voice that was, I was fearful enough just by listening to her voice.

11:00 PM: Power cut ! This was not expected, we never used to have power cuts in nights. I heard some “F*** you” and WTF screams coming out from different dark corners of the hostel. These were probably the Counter Strike group guys, they just didn’t know what to do without CS. People have seen them eating grass, chasing birds and singing “Hips don’t lie” whenever there were power cuts or whenever there was some technical issue with institutes’s LAN.

11: 15 PM: Though this was summer, and hostel back up generator had some fault, most people chose to remain in their hot rooms without fans. It is also a fact these most people had girlfriends. Remaining like me came out , and went to elevated stage, the coolest area of the hostel. The stage was big enough to offer hip space to 50 people. People started forming small groups on the stage, and started discussing weird things like  ‘end of the World’, ‘Indian Mysticism’, ‘Which engineering branch is best’,’Which is the branch which sucks most’ etc. But what caught my immediate attention was the group discussing ‘ghosts’. “Perfect!” I thought. The power cut and a dark hostel with jungles around was perfect for the ghost discussion.

11:30 PM: After hearing a few scary and weird stories from the members of the group, one of my friend shot a challenge out of no where. “Lets go to East Campus, and see if the tower story is correct or not. Those who say no will be cowards” said Z (I am not disclosing actual names). Ours was one of the oldest institute of India, it was established by British Empire for research. There was one tower behind the big workshop building, which was  closed for students. So , stories floated around in campus about the credentials of the  tower. The most scary one said that the tower was used by British to hang the mentally challenged offenders of empire as they couldn’t be hanged with normal offenders. Story claimed that the spirit of those who were hanged still roam around that tower and thus it was closed for everyone. Z claimed that girls in girls hostel behind the tower had heard weird voices of someone crying, coming out of the tower premises. “Okay sisters! lets get some bicycles, we are going there, and those who have balls diameter less than normal- please refrain! “said K, K was the devil among us. He was the one who would have jumped out of plane if asked to do so for 500 rupees, such was the character of K. Now since the matter had reached to cowardliness and diameter of our balls, no one dared to say no for the adventure. 

11:45 PM: We managed to find the keys of five bicycles, none of them belonged to us, and we didn’t asked anyone for bicycles. So I guess, you can call it a small level theft out of some rooms, or without permission burrowing. Five bicycles and seven people, now came the difficult part. “D, please adjust R on you bike” I said. “I have fever, I can’t pull him, and I am 90 kg, so I guess he can’t pull me either. This bike will be only single only” said D. “Bloody fool ! If you have fever, why are you coming with us?” asked Z. “To show you diameter of my balls” exclaimed D. Since I asked the question, I was asked to pull R, out of courtesy to my own raised concern for R.

12:00 Midnight: After bribing the hostel guard with a pack of Marlboro, and pulling bicycles for 15 min, we reached in front of our final hurdle – the campus gate. The gate was just 50 meters away, straight road. Parallel to that road was a small jungle type area. It had a narrow lane going parallel to the road, but a bit inside the jungle. Even in daylight, rarely anyone dared to enter that area and walk on its lane. There was a small pond inside, and rumors were that the pond was bewitched. So, after seeing the jungle lane, the devil inside K was invoked. “Lets take the jungle lane !” asked K, the devil. “I am ready.” I said, and I don’t know why. May be it was my time to show the diameter of my balls. Strangely no one resisted, but neither did anyone agreed. So, we went inside the jungle on the narrow lane where two cycles couldn’t go parallel, it had to be one after other. Just after 1 min of biking, we reached on the side of that pond. The full moon was casting a horrible reflection on the algae covered pond. The surrounding trees we so silent as if they were attending some one’s funeral. “Don’t look at the pond, the witch will get you” said D, and laughed. I like every one else knew that it was a fake laugh, because we tried laughing too, but inside we were so damn scared. I can tell you no one dared to look towards the pond. We were just looking at the lane and pulling the damn bicycles which were suddenly too heavy. Suddenly A screamed. “WTF dude ! what happened ?” asked Z, with a trembling voice, as if after hearing to  scream he had pissed in his pants. Well, others were feeling no less scared. “I think I have seen some one chasing me !” said A, in a low amplified voice.We didn’t say anything, and continued to move ahead. One of the reason for not abusing A for this event was that A was in the  last of queue of cycles. We never knew what he saw.

12:15 AM: We were scared, and we knew that we have got ourselves into a very bad deal. Even the devil K had pissed in his pants. He was as silent as a fodder chewing buffalo could be. The bloody scream incident was too heavy on us, and our mind was only imagining about the thing that must have chased A. Anyways, we reached our destination. After pulling the bicycles at a speed of Mach 3, we reached in front of the tower in 15 min. The gate to enter the tower premises was closed, a standard Aligarh lock was hanging on the gate. The power cut was sort of pan-city phenomena because the east campus also didn’t have power. There was no light at all, except the full moon. The din white light of moon was reflecting from the glass entrance of tower, could be seen from a good distance also. “Now what, it is closed.” I asked, looking at Z. “Lets go, I am not hearing any crying here, its a rumor” said A, he clearly had crapped in his pants. K was attempting to get a look into the premises, by jumping adjacent to fenced boundary walls. D and R were attending nature’s call behind the bushes, grown out of adjoining workshop walls. The silence of the night was very scary , it was very unusual that there was no sound around us. 

12:20 AM: After wasting 5 min in attending nature’s call, we decided to leave the tower alone. We were sort of happy, and tired. So we marched towards the cycles, discussing about next day’s classes.Suddenly we heard a murmuring sound coming from behind the tower premises. “Must be D and R” said K, very casually. “Idiot! We are here. ” whispered D, and at that moment everything changed. We went to state of horror and this time more scared, as were continuously hearing the murmuring voice coming from behind the tower. We all looked at each other, and came to knew the actual diameters of each other’s balls. K collected himself and said- “Lets check who is that.”. “Are you mad !” Said Z, the man who challenged everyone else was the most scared. “Come on, we can’t leave this place without knowing what is wrong here.” said K. “Don’t be too brave at this moment, we might get restrictions if someone catches us here this time. This could be a prof. ” said D. “Prof..and murmuring in the midnight, at a place which is closed..idiot.” I said, and again don’t know why. “Lets go.” said K and started moving to the backside of the tower boundary. We followed him. Though we would abuse each other at silly occasions, but when it comes to dying, we couldn’t let anyone us die alone. So we followed K, and as we moved slowly towards the backside, the murmuring started to strengthen. Our hearts were also beating at the rate of Mach 3 , adjusting our body temperature to the occasion. We were scared, tired and perspired. As we reached at the backside of the tower, we saw a Banyan tree. Under the banyan tree, there was a man, sitting on the ground holding a smoking pot in one of his hands. “Holy Cow! Who is he?” K asked me. “How would I know.” I replied. As we moved a bit more closer to that man, we saw us, and stood up. He started running towards us, and at that moment, we all got frozen, because of the lack of blood supplied to out brains, as our hearts got fear struck. That was a pure moment of zero, we were thinking nothing, almost nothing. As the man reached near to K, we realised that he was actually a guard of the campus security, by looking at his Khaki dress. But strangly, in a month of summers, he was wearing long winter boots, and a jacket overall. But we were so happy seeing a man dressed like a guard that we didn’t care about his weird dressing sense. I saw the other 5 behind, and they were also relaxed now.

 K: “Guard Saab, what are you doing here, at this time?”  

Guard: “That is for me to ask you guys” .

Me :”There no power in the hostel, so we decided to have a ride in the campus”      

Guard: “Your hostel is 5 km away, why you want to have a ride here?”

D: “We were here to see the ghost of the tower.”

D couldn’t control his happiness of seeing a campus guard, and went off bursting our secret to adventure. 

Guard: “Bhaiyaji! who told you there is any ghost here?”

R: “Arre Guard Saab! We know. We know about the history of this tower.”

Then there was sudden pause in the environment. The guard started checking us out visually. He looked at all of us, from top to bottom , and we couldn’t understand anything. I read the name at his badge- A.K Bajpai. Z was looking around, where as K was looking at the banyan tree. 

“Aum..rim..dhim………namaho….namah ! ” The guard started murmuring, looking at the tower. “What is it Guard Saab?” I asked. “This is mantra for Pret-Badha. Aum..rim..dhim………namaho….namah” He started murmuring again. We couldn’t figure out why he was doing that. And suddenly out of nowhere, the  blast sound penetrated through the silent environment of the night. “Boooooooooooooooooooom!” And the next second the guard started running, towards the tower boundary, screaming “Aum..rim..dhim………namaho….namah”. He freaked us out, and now the devil K, got scared very badly,who was standing next to the guard. “Run, he is ghost, he ran into the tower.” screamed K, and started running like Bolt towards the cycles, opposite to guard. I curiously tried watching the guard, and he simply disappeared into the dark, behind the banyan tree. I pissed in my pants, and ran towards cycles. “Did you see, he disappeared.” I screamed, running last in the line. “Yes I saw that, we saw a ghost! ” said R, running two positions in front of me.

As we reached to our parked cycles, we picked them up, and tried moving the fresher’s hostel 1 km away. “Stop, my cycle is punctured.” screamed D. ‘Holy cow, it was your cycle’s blast voice, Come here and pull me now” K said. And then we saw the most amazing thing. D suffereing from fever who initially refused to pull R, a 56 kg dude, was now pulling the 75 kg K.

 1:00 AM: We reached at the gate of fresher’s hostel. the guard opened the gate and a few freshers roaming out saw us. They immediately ran to common room, leaving all their business, probably scared of a senior raid in mid of night. “Bring some water, guard Saab.” D asked guard while pointing towards the mess, and breathing heavily yet fast like Rajdhani Express. He brought some water, we all had some sips. “What happened sirs?” asked guard. “We went to tower, and saw this crazy guard there, bloody paranoid, mentally ill ,psycho guard. You know him, some Bajpai?” I asked, collecting my breath. “A.K Bajpai Sir?” asked the guard. “Yes.” I said. He made a tense face and widened  his eyes a bit. “Sirs, a guard named A.K Bajpai hanged himself in the tower 40 years ago. He must be wearing winter cloths when you guys saw him, because when he died, it was dead cold of December”. This was the final nail in the coffin. We were like, mentally dead for almost next 5 seconds. We came back to our hostel, we didn’t talk to each other while coming back. The silence of our mouths was better than the frightened calm in our hearts.

8:00 AM: I got up and picked my sleepers. I pretended as if I slept by yawning but the fact is I didn’t. My other room mate notices this fake yawning-“Sleep a bit more.”. I went to check what my other room mate was doing because he was in better position to understand me. K was reading Bhagwat Geeta. He saw me, and then started reading again. i also didn’t say anything to him. I went to washroom, and found A peeing in the adjacent pot.  The way he was peeing was reflecting his mental state. It was  ‘ Tip- tip- tip………………(pause)……..tip-tip-tp’ pattern. I didn’t say anything to him too. I came back to my room, looked at the sweets I brought from my home after Diwali. “Don’t eat, you haven’t brushed your teeth.” I thought. “Screw it ! i saw a ghost. I must eat this as I can die anytime now” I yelled inside myself. So, I took a piece and swallowed, I didn’t chew it a lot, as I found it suddenly was not  that sweet. Meanwhile Z came in our room along with R. They were smiling. “They must have gone crazy after last night” I thought. They went to K, i followed. “Dude, its not the time to read Geeta.” said R, mildly smiling. “Oh, then may be after my death, I will get a chance to read it.” grudged K.  “Humaara kat gya (we were fooled)”said Z, laughing this time. “Why?” I asked. “There is actually a guard named A.K Bajpai, I went to guards hostel to check this morning” said Z. “You found him?” asked K, this time there was a sudden happiness in his voice, and smile at face. “Yes , in fact, he was sleeping, but when I entered in his room, he woke up and recognized me from last night.” said Z. “Holy Cow!  that fresher’s hostel guard fooled us, bastard !” said K, though he was not really abusing, his was a tone of a cheerful man. “I asked Bajpai why he ran after the tyre blast, he said that he thought we were ghosts of the tower, because no one come there in the night” said Z. We all laughed. “Why did he wear a full winter cloth in mid of a summer night? ” I asked, curiosly. “Bajpai, has this habit of smoking weed, we also saw him holding a smoking pot last night, remember. He said that he went under that banyan tree to smoke  weed, so that no one could catch him. And when he takes a dope, he feels cold, so he wears winter cloths. Even all guards know that he does this weird thing, thats why that fresher hostel guard fooled us. And while coming back we saw a few pigs coming out from jungle lane where A saw someone chasing him last night. It must be those pigs only last night ” said a joyous Z. We all went ROFL, and at that moment, I guess we achieved a sort of mini Nirvana.

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