Hope you are fine and healthy. Last week , when you came into my room without asking for a permission, I thought you too were ‘Shani Dev’ priest, who wouldn’t care for permission to enter my house premises. They even don’t ask for offerings to Shani Dev, just show us his metal idol. He is indeed gangster of gods, collecting ‘haftas’ every week, in this manner. But in the beginning, I was quite offended by you for you should have asked for a permission first. However later I found out that my door bell was not working, so how could you have rung the bells anyways? So, I apologize for your inconvenience. (Smiling Apologetically)
Last night I saw a few small lizard babies, taking a stroll near my precious collection of junk newspapers, might that be yours? If the answer is yes, might I ask you for a bit of family planning! They were no less than six, as I tried counting while chasing them out of my room. How could you afford a family of six children in these times of inflated rates? Or, let me ask you if you are aware of the contraceptives? I know our family planning schemes suck, the population is anyways increasing at same pace. But citizens like you and me have to act responsibly. You would feel elated to know that I am doing my part quite well for I don’t even have a girl friend, leave apart marriage.
Mr.Lizard, let me remind you that we are going out this weekend to catch some movies, so the room shall be locked. So, we wouldn’t be able to meet you this weekend. You must be wondering which all movies are coming to theaters this weekend. To be honest , even I don’t know. But after watching Bhag Milkha Bhag and D-Day, I feel like catching some English movie to detoxify the melodrama dose I had to swallow in those movies, or I could end up watching Ekta kapoor serials. You don’t want that, Do you? Every self respecting male in this country hate K-series serials. This must be a problem in your house too.
By the way, Mr.Lizard, let me let you that you have a new neighbor now- Mr.Cat. Mr.Cat has been roaming around our premises for last few days. I first doubted that he belonged to some political party, who would ask me to vote for their candidate in next poll. But how foolish of me that was! I just forgot that political parties don’t come to people’s door to ask for votes nowadays, they do it through media by threatening us of communal-ism, bad economy, caste politics and governance. Btw, Mr.Lizard who are you voting for in the next elections- Rahul or Modi? I request you to vote for yourself and India. Anyways, I later found that Mr.Cat is actually a tenant in our neighboring home. But let me remind you, he is not a nice person, he walked away from me last time when we had an eye to eye contact. That was rude, I mean he could have said Hi.
Mr.Lizard, now I must also tell you about this cricket in our house. He thinks he is Justin Beiber, he makes so much noise, and it doesn’t make any sense. My ears are in pain. Be it day or night, he never stops. Strangely, some other weird creatures are in love with him, they too start making noise when he begins. This has been very troubling to us. I know you have special skills to eliminate such creatures. I know you will find him and you will kill him (Liam Neisson voice). So, let me ask for this small help, would you please look into the matter?
In the end Mr.Lizard, thank you for last time get together we had. It was entertaining as you ran funny around my room while I tried chasing you with a broom in my hand. This witchcraft game we played, defeats the current India- Zimbabwe series, in entertaining. So, for next time, I have devised a new game. Its called ‘Being Human’. In this game I will beat you so hard, that you would drop off your tale and run off, just like other lizards do often. And then, I will play a celebrity, because I am being human to you.
Eagerly waiting for our next rendezvous,
Your friendly neighborhood,